Should My Wannabe Influencer Friend Stop Using Me for Material?

One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it feels like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, she, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a bit, but it strains our relationship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to document everything all the time. During meals out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when other people see her performing for the camera – I get secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She creates vlogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her styling career. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. On occasion I'm captured while dining, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a surprise: I might be bare-faced, an awkward face or be captured while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to record her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I'm in conversation to someone else, or we're simply spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has turned into me being her free crew. She could easily hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my unease about this arrangement, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I spend helping her create material.

I appreciate that she has supported me with my career in design, but I resist our connection to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don’t feel she's insincere or inauthentic, but at times it seems that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me laughing with someone. It feels forced. I need her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also want to experience it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an viewers. I am not a prop for her Instagram.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I hope my friend to see that the content we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about shooting content. It's more than a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online allows me to show my personality and connect with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to make money from your passions. I look up to people on social platforms who pull off that aesthetic of informal, self-made film-making.

Creating content is my interpretation of living actively: noticing the details, sharing them with an audience that appreciates the craft behind it. I never intend to make Beth uncomfortable. Taking her to professional gatherings was my method of sharing opportunities, providing her a chance to witness exclusive moments that could help her career in design too. That isn't leverage, it's simply being realistic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see the benefits the content we create together can achieve: a foot in the door. I know not everyone likes being filmed, but often unplanned moments is what makes content genuine. Being recorded occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I would delete anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my personal videographer, but companions support one another in minor capacities. I thought filming a clip now and then would be enjoyable for Beth. Innovation flourishes in collaboration, and having Beth around makes endeavors lively and enjoyable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I’d never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I document our time together.

I cherish Beth’s friendship deeply and want to avoid making videos to come between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like asking before filming, and steering clear of shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about power, it’s about sharing my world while still respecting hers. Obviously making content is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I live my life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and Beth when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a friend point a camera at you. I get that it's her passion, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. With the uncertain future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn’t mean all those around her is content. She needs to honor her friend's personal space.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy making content and showing off her life online, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has assisted her friend professionally, but she needs to listen to what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the priority in your friendship. Create some authentic experiences, where genuine feelings are preserved, not online archives. In fact, celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be neither present nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Both seem unsure as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to change one another, but in each setting defined boundaries around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an acceptable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle over-exposing their friendship?